Boom.

Gah! So totally found an indoor soccer league! I have never played indoor soccer–and it is very different–but I am sure I can adapt. Outdoor soccer + walls. They play on Tuesdays. I’m not officially on the team just yet, but crossing fingers. My knee better not be a problem or I will go postal on my surgeon. Just joking, he was amazing. I will be paying for more physical therapy if it isn’t performing up to my standards though.

Tomorrow, I am off to Sports Authority to purchase two 3 lb free hand weights, cleats, a ball, disc cones, and a jumprope.

Also, an update:

33 days without ANA* - Now that I am past the month point I can honestly say that I do not ever plan on having anymore encounters with ANA ever again. I’m not going to say it will definitely, for sure, bet my life on the fact that it will never happen again, but I definitely don’t plan on it. Never liked it, always thought it smelled like poop. Literally.

1 day without alcohol - I’m not giving up alcohol. I am just going to limit my encounters with it. I will only be drinking when I am around people I feel safe with and when I either have a ride home or a place to sleep. (I really hate not sleeping in my own bed..) And, really, there is never any excuse to get plastered; drunk, please, but not plastered.

0 days without cigarettes - I know I have said this before, but this is it, for reals. Growing up with an alcoholic father has taught me the signs of addiction and though I am nowhere close to that point I can definitely see myself tumbling down that hill if I don’t stop it while I can. I do not want to be owned by anything. I do not want to feel helpless. I do not want to be addicted to anything. Plus, not killing yourself = hot. Hahaha.

18 days vegan strong - And though I am not past the month point of being vegan I don’t plan on ending it–hopefully never will. I have always loved being vegan. And maintaining during Thanksgiving, plus three days away from home affirms my commitment to it. I brought my own food and still got stuffed. My mother’s support really helps a lot (she made a vegan-friendly salad for our Thanksgiving dinner that was mind-blowingly amazing.) I also love rubbing off on her. She really loves Earth Balance buttery spread now and uses it to cook–even when I wasn’t vegan!

Tomorrow = walking around the fields at least twice with the Bo. Ideally I would like to get to the fields once a day, but in a more realistic fashion I will shoot for five of seven days a week.

Weigh-in on Thursday. Waiting.. UGH

I am confused as to why my website is still working, why my hosting service says I’m paid through until next November, and why–if this is true–I was not asked which source of payment I wanted to use.

So confused right now.

Every time I listen to Mickey Avalon I have this huge desire to live that lifestyle: smoking cigarettes and blowing coke. It all goes back to that phrase I saw on that postcard:

I would rather be a messed up person, fixed, than to be a regretful person wondering how “messed up” would feel.

I understand how bad cigarettes are and obviously coke is not a healthy choice. Haha. Obviously. But I always have these huge desires to do horrible things even though they are totally out of character.
So, the question is, Will she buy a pack of cigarettes on her way out tonight or will the smarter voice in her head find some volume?

And everyone is rereading what they just read, checking the web address to make sure they are in the right place, but, yes, this is me. That girl you don’t really know.

Weight loss: -12.6 lbs